101 easy ways to say NO
I'd love to, but...
I'd love to, but...
1 I have to floss my cat. 2 I've dedicated my life to linguini. 3 I want to spend more time with my blender. 4 the President said he might drop in. 5 the man on television told me to say tuned.6 I've been scheduled for a karma transplant. 7 I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture. 8 it's my parakeet's bowling night. 9 it wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.10 I'm building a pig from a kit. 11 I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it. 12 I'm enrolled in aerobic scream therapy. 13 there's a disturbance in the Force. 14 I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling. 15 I have to go to the post office to see if I'm still wanted. 16 I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.17 I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products. 18 I'm going through cherry cheesecake withdrawl. 19 I'm planning to go downtown to try on gloves.20 my crayons all melted together. 21 I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.22 I'm in training to be a household pest. 23 I'm getting my overalls overhauled. 24 my patent is pending. 25 I'm attending the opening of my garage door. 26 I'm sandblasting my oven.27 I'm worried about my vertical hold. 28 I'm going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise.29 I'm being deported. 30 the grunion are running. 31 I'll be looking for a parking space.32 my Millard Filmore Fan Club meets then. 33 the monsters haven't turned blue yet, and I have to eat more dots. 34 I'm taking punk totem pole carving. 35 I have to fluff my shower cap.36 I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian. 37 I've come down with a really horrible case of something or other. 38 I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist. 39 my plot to take over the world is thickening. 40 I have to fulfill my potential. 41 I don't want to leave my comfort zone. 42 it's too close to the turn of the century. 43 I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary. 44 my subconscious says no. 45 I'm giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store. 46 I left my body in my other clothes. 47 the last time I went, I never came back. 48 I've got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting. 49 I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters.50 none of my socks match. 51 I have to be on the next train to Bermuda. 52 I'm having all my plants neutered. 53 people are blaming me for the Spanish-American War. 54 I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out. 55 I'm making a home movie called "The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator." 56 I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer. 57 my yucca plant is feeling yucky. 58 I'm touring China with a wok band. 59 my chocolate-appreciation class meets that night. 60 I never go out on days that end in "Y." 61 my mother would never let me hear the end of it. 62 I'm running off to Yugoslavia with a foreign-exchange student named Basil Metabolism. 63 I just picked up a book called "Glue in Many Lands" and I can't put it down.64 I'm too old/young for that stuff. 65 I have to wash/condition/perm/curl/tease/torment my hair.66 I have too much guilt. 67 there are important world issues that need worrying about. 68 I have to draw "Cubby" for an art scholarship. 69 I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.70 I promised to help a friend fold road maps. 71 I feel a song coming on. 72 I'm trying to be less popular. 73 my bathroom tiles need grouting. 74 I have to bleach my hare. 75 I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner. 76 I'm writing a love letter to Richard Simmons. 77 you know how we psychos are. 78 my favorite commercial is on TV. 79 I have to study for a blood test. 80 I'm going to be old someday. 81 I've been traded to Cincinnati. 82 I'm observing National Apathy Week. 83 I have to rotate my crops. 84 my uncle escaped again. 85 I'm up to my elbows in waxy buildup. 86 I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar. 87 I'm having my baby shoes bronzed. 88 I have to go to court for kitty littering. 89 I'm going to count the bristles in my toothbrush. 90 I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner. 91 having fun gives me prickly heat.92 I'm going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking for me. 93 I have to jog my memory. 94 my palm reader advised against it. 95 my Dress For Obscurity class meets then.96 I have to stay home and see if I snore. 97 I prefer to remain an enigma. 98 I think you want the OTHER [your name] . 99 I have to sit up with a sick ant. 100 I'm trying to cut down.101 ... well, maybe
100 ways to say Not the brightest...
Not pulling a full wagon. Not the brightest star in the sky. The light's on but no one's home. Not the brightest bulb in the box. A few screws short of a hardware store. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. A few cards short of a full deck. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. About as sharp as a marble. Only has one oar in the water. Smart as a bag of rocks. A hamburger short of picnic.
The elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor. A few peas short of a casserole. A few keys short of a piano. Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree. The gates are down and the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming. As smart as a stick. Fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. Has an IQ of room temperature. Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel. Not the sharpest crayon in the boksz. Not the the sharpest tool in the shed. They are depriving some village of its idiot. A few threads short of a sweater. Driveway doesn't quite reach the road. The battery is not fully charged. Dumber than a bag of hammers. A few bricks short of a full load. A few clowns short of a circus. A few beers short of a six-pack. Dumber than a box of hair. All foam no beer.
As smart as bait. Forgot to pay his brain bill. The antenna doesn't pick up all the channels. Missing a few buttons on his remote control. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse. Receiver is off the hook. Has a leak in the skylight. Too much yardage between the goal posts. Not all the soldiers are marching in line. Dumber than paint. Half a bubble off plumb. Donated his brain to science before he was done with it. A few shades beyond blonde. A few watts short of a light bulb. Running on 3 cylinders. Has the parachute but is missing the ripcord. Would lose a debate with a doorknob. Has an IQ lower than plant life. All volume, and no content. Wouldn't know if they were on foot or horseback. The wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead. The cheese slid off the cracker. Doesn't have all the chairs at the table. A shining example of why you should avoid inbreeding. A few pecans short of a fruitcake. Would argue with a signpost. If you gave them a penny for thoughts, you'd get change. Dumb as a salt shaker. Has a mind like a steel trap: rusty and illegal in 37 states. Knitting with only one needle. The result of too much chlorine in the gene pool. Not the quickest bunny in the forest. The hard drive is spinning but the OS hasn't been installed. Not exactly burning all thrusters. A few colors short of a rainbow. The boat doesn't have all the oars in the water. A few ships short of a fleet. A monosynaptic cretin (Don't understand it? 'nuff said). A few noodles short of a chow mein. A few bristles short of a broom.
Doesn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt. Hasn't seen the ball since kickoff.
The relative IQ of a deck chair. A poster child for birth control. A few players short of a team.
Couldn't hit the floor if he fell on it. A few sheep short of a flock. Not the brightest light in the harbor. One plate short of a tea set. A few kangaroos loose in the top paddock..... A few slices short of a sandwich..... A few sausages short of a BBQ. If her IQ was any flipping lower we'd have to water her. A few more braincells and he would be a cabbage.
Not pulling a full wagon. Not the brightest star in the sky. The light's on but no one's home. Not the brightest bulb in the box. A few screws short of a hardware store. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. A few cards short of a full deck. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. About as sharp as a marble. Only has one oar in the water. Smart as a bag of rocks. A hamburger short of picnic.
The elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor. A few peas short of a casserole. A few keys short of a piano. Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree. The gates are down and the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming. As smart as a stick. Fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. Has an IQ of room temperature. Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel. Not the sharpest crayon in the boksz. Not the the sharpest tool in the shed. They are depriving some village of its idiot. A few threads short of a sweater. Driveway doesn't quite reach the road. The battery is not fully charged. Dumber than a bag of hammers. A few bricks short of a full load. A few clowns short of a circus. A few beers short of a six-pack. Dumber than a box of hair. All foam no beer.
As smart as bait. Forgot to pay his brain bill. The antenna doesn't pick up all the channels. Missing a few buttons on his remote control. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse. Receiver is off the hook. Has a leak in the skylight. Too much yardage between the goal posts. Not all the soldiers are marching in line. Dumber than paint. Half a bubble off plumb. Donated his brain to science before he was done with it. A few shades beyond blonde. A few watts short of a light bulb. Running on 3 cylinders. Has the parachute but is missing the ripcord. Would lose a debate with a doorknob. Has an IQ lower than plant life. All volume, and no content. Wouldn't know if they were on foot or horseback. The wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead. The cheese slid off the cracker. Doesn't have all the chairs at the table. A shining example of why you should avoid inbreeding. A few pecans short of a fruitcake. Would argue with a signpost. If you gave them a penny for thoughts, you'd get change. Dumb as a salt shaker. Has a mind like a steel trap: rusty and illegal in 37 states. Knitting with only one needle. The result of too much chlorine in the gene pool. Not the quickest bunny in the forest. The hard drive is spinning but the OS hasn't been installed. Not exactly burning all thrusters. A few colors short of a rainbow. The boat doesn't have all the oars in the water. A few ships short of a fleet. A monosynaptic cretin (Don't understand it? 'nuff said). A few noodles short of a chow mein. A few bristles short of a broom.
Doesn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt. Hasn't seen the ball since kickoff.
The relative IQ of a deck chair. A poster child for birth control. A few players short of a team.
Couldn't hit the floor if he fell on it. A few sheep short of a flock. Not the brightest light in the harbor. One plate short of a tea set. A few kangaroos loose in the top paddock..... A few slices short of a sandwich..... A few sausages short of a BBQ. If her IQ was any flipping lower we'd have to water her. A few more braincells and he would be a cabbage.
100 ways to say FUCK YOU :)
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